if a bitch u hate on the seat, just push her off with this handy dandy bitch movin’ seat
if you hold an empty gatorade bottle up to your ear you can hear the sports
r u ever like damn i hate my body but then ur like life is an illusion i’m floatin around on a rock trapped in an orbit around a ball of flame in a vast & largely unknown universe where death is unescapable who gives a shit ???
While taking put the trash at work, I kicked this little bag of pennies. Obviously, since I’m poor, a grabbed them and threw them in my pocket before going on with the rest of my shift.
Close to the end of my shift, I remembered this bag of pennies, so I took it out and counted it out. 7 cents.
My coworker came up and started talking to me while I was doing this, so we chatted, the entire time, this tiny bag of pennies in my hand.
Meanwhile, one of my managers sees me and my coworker talking over this bag, immediately thinks that it’s drugs, yells, and grabs both of us and drags us to the back room.
So, we’re sitting there, me clutching this bag of pennies in my fist, while my manager gets my GM on the phone, yelling about how we were “trading drugs during our shift” and “endangering ourselves and other in the workplace.”
Within 10 minutes, my GM was there, papers in hand to terminate our employment, talking about how they should call the cops. I started crying, cause they wouldn’t let me get a word in edge-wise, my coworker was actually texting his dad the entire time, trying to get them to come fight for him.
It wasn’t until the GM asked what drug they were that they finally let me talk.
So, while I was sobbing, I opened my hand and dropped the bag in my manager’s hand.
And he bursts out laughing.
Within seconds I had explained everything, the pennies, the situation, everything.
I almost got fired and arrested over 7 pennies.
I HAVE SWEATER ON IM TOO HOT I TAKE SWEATER OFF IM TOO COLD FUCK THIS BULLSHIT WORLD
I COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS TO MY MOM AND SHE TOLD ME TO PUT ON THE SHRUG MY AUNT KNITTED ME ONE PROBLEM THE SHRUG MY AUNT KNITTED ME IS BULLSHIT
LOOK AT THIS
FUCKING LOOK AT THIS
THERE IS NO HEAD HOLE
WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS
im still going to be laughing about this the next time i see you
NO DON’T BRING THIS BAKC
How Heavy Rain Should Have Ended
strike a pose
i got really happy about this and then i was like “this dog is probably dead” and now i am crying
There’s hope, apparently.
Have you ever heard anyone say ‘easier done than said’ ?
So, one day my coworker said “is anything easier done than said” and I let him pontificate about this for a while and then I said to him, “silence” and that blew his mind.
NO I HAVE NOT HAD ENOUGH COFFEE TO CONTEMPLATE YOUR PHILOSOPHICAL SHIT TUMBLR STOP THAT
Dat some deep shit
Auntie Jen is having none of this